Birds Galore (and Being Bitchy and Old)

We had our last practical lesson of the term yesterday.  And guess what?  More birds.

It seems to me that one skill LCB really wants us to learn is how to cut and debone various birds.  This term we’ve cut up chicken, deboned pheasants and quails, made escalope of turkey, and last night learned to make crapaudine (butterfly cut) of Cornish Hen.  I’ve spent a lot of time with my hands up the business end of various birds this term and learned more about avian anatomy than I would have in any science class.

Crapaudine literally means “toad cut”.  One you get the backbone and ribcage out of the little buzzard, it does kind of look a little frog/toad-like, but I do prefer the English “butterfly” name…. slightly more appetizing.

Since it was the last practical and not a dish that’s going to be on the exam, I think minds were elsewhere yesterday.  At this point, most students are thinking about the workshops or next week’s exam.  Because even though it was not a particularly hard dish, there were lots of problems.

Cutting the bird was not a problem.  I think most people have that figured out now.  Sauce diable, and some pommes gaufrettes (waffle cut frites) on the side.  How hard could this possibly be?

With minds slightly absent, I saw people do all sorts of odd things.  It was also my last turn as sous-chef for the term and I thus was on the receiving end of about a million questions, as is usual even if I’ve explained to everyone a dozen times that “birds and watercress are in the first fridges, butter in the end fridges on both sides.  All the shared ingredients at the front of the kitchen.”  And I was pretty firm about one thing – don’t take the shared stuff like vinegar, mustard, cayenne, etc from the front or I might just punch someone.  The worst question for the sous-chef is “Where is the X?”  I don’t fucking know – I know where I put it, but I don’t know who has it at this very second. But then I need to spend a few seconds figuring out where things are instead of worrying about my own plate.  Would it kill people to get a bowl or a spoon and take what they need and leave the container in a logical place?

My dish was okay, but nothing special.  My little buzzard was a bit more blackened than it should have been, thanks to my “clever” thought of finishing it in the oven instead of on the flattop.  The ovens in the 3A kitchen seem to have three settings – “Off And Won’t Light”, “Pilot Will Light But Shut Off For No Reason”, and, best of all, “Cremate the Corpse”.  Guess which one I had?  It’s not Cajun week, Sarah!    And worst of all, my sauce was almost cold. Chef 3 handed me a spoon.  Yup… gummy and a little over-reduced… I should be better than this by now.   He seemed a little disappointed with me. He knows I can do better and expects it.  

 I think my pommes gaufrettes were pretty good, but that’s thanks to a little tip I know.  Put frite-type things in the freezer before cooking.  The fans in the freezer will dry them out a little, which means they will colour a bit better/more evenly.  This isn’t my Triple Cooked Chips, but it isn’t my first rodeo either.  And, as sous-chef, I didn’t bother grabbing a deep fryer from one of kitchens. We would have had one fryer, that wouldn’t have worked for 10 students.  I just handed out a few pots of the (nasty) frying fat.  If you haven’t learned how to fry something and keep a handle on temperature, then WTF are you doing in Intermediate Cuisine?

My mediocre dish aside, what irritated me was the clean-up of the kitchen. There are a few people in the class who are very good and take the initiative to clean up.  But what grinds my gears is that people don’t understand concepts like “clean from top to bottom”.  Why does the person who sweeps the floor do it before the counters are cleaned?  Do I have to explain this to people in Intermediate?  I felt really grumpy and old when I saw people standing around chit-chatting and I could still feel lumps of crap on the counters.  I run my hands down the countertops – I learned from people who care about the details. This is where I feel my age again.  I had chores when I was a child – and I got spanked and grounded more than a few times.  If I left crud on the counter, I had to clean up again.  And as I walked out of the kitchen I asked the steward/dishwasher how many burned pots they got that night…. 6 or 7, apparently.  Perhaps some of my younger classmates weren’t spanked enough as children.   A Chef could very easily give the steward a two hour break and make us all wash out our own dishes.   Wouldn’t that be fun?

So that part of the course is done.  Just out of breathe from running around for the Market workshop on Friday.  Two ideas – popcorn and a beer pairing!